The What Talk?
by akmdreamer
Summary: Sirius has to talk to Harry about something...and Ginny, Hermione, and Tonks aren't helping with the awkward topic. Silly little fic I wrote for my Sirius-obsessed friend, who just came home from her annual trip to Japan. :D Rated to be safe. NOT HP/SB!


**DISCLAIMER: Um…no.**

A/N: The stork idea was my friend's! Her profile is Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood. She's an amazing author! :D

THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY BEST FRIEND ANA. WELCOME BACK, GIRL! MISSED YOU OVER THE SUMMER! LOVE YOU!

~Dahria

The _What_ Talk?

"Ah…Harry….Could I have a private word with you?"

Harry Potter turned to see his godfather, Sirius Black, standing quite apprehensively in the doorframe of the kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, rocking back and forth on his heals.

"Erm….Sure, Sirius," Harry replied a bit unsurely, then gave an awkward little wave to Hermione, Ron, and Ginny, with whom he'd been speaking.

Sirius led Harry away with a somewhat desperate glance in Remus' direction, who'd just entered the room they'd exited.

The godfather and -son settled in the Drawing Room, and Sirius promptly closed the door and took a deep breath, looking as though he'd rather face Voldemort himself that say what he was about to.

"Now, Harry," he began, sounding distinctly uncomfortable, "this is something I promised Lily and James I would do as your godfather - well, actually, I promised _Lily_. James could probably care less. But in any case, your mother would probably roll over in her grave if I don't talk to you about this, and an angry Lily - even if she _is_ dead - is _not_ something I like to face."

Sirius paused with a pained grimace on his face, and Harry got the distinct impression that his mother had rather been like Ginny or Hermione. He grimaced as well, having had plenty experience with _those_ girls' tempers.

"So, I suppose I have no way out. Unless…."

Suddenly, Sirius looked very hopeful, rather like a small, bounding puppy dog.

Appropriate, is it not?

"Remus hasn't…by any chance…given you…_the_ talk yet?"

Harry stared at him, nonplussed.

"What talk?"

Sirius' face dropped comically.

"Ah, well…I guess there's nothing for it then…I mean, you _are_ fifteen…."

Harry stared at his godfather expectantly.

"Yes…?"

Sirius cleared his throat as though about to perform a grand speech, thinking, _Oh, well…if I have to do this, I might as well make something of it…perhaps I'll even be able to embarrass him…._

Harry, in the meantime, was beginning to get annoyed.

"Spit it out, will you!"

Sirius just smirked infuriatingly.

"Well, Harry," the latter said in a wise, patronizing tone, "there's the birds and the bees…." he trailed off, chancing half a glance at his godson, who was gazing at him with wide, horrified eyes.

"SIRIUS! Not….Not _that_ talk!" he choked out, mortified.

Sirius cackled with laughter at Harry's indignant splutters.

"Sorry, Harry, mother's orders…well…_your_ mother's orders, at least, but half the time she might as well have been all the Marauders' mother. Even James. Hell, _especially_ James. But as I was saying, when…when a boy loves a girl…no, that doesn't sound good…um….Right," he said finally, "right...The stork, Harry," he said happily, looking as though he'd made some great, indisputable point.

"The..._stork_?"

"Yes. The stork."

"Isn't that some kind of...bird?"

Sirius heaved a long-suffering sigh through his nose, then said sternly, "See here, Harry. You _must_ know the legend of the stork...how it would bring babies to doorsteps?"

Harry looked thoughtful.

"Erm...okay?"

Sirius sighed again. "Well, it _doesn't_."

Harry blinked, nonplussed. "Doesn't what?"

"Doesn't bring babies to doorsteps, Harry," Sirius stated with exaggerated, as though speaking to a very incompetent five-year-old.

Harry said, "Yes, Sirius, I know that," in the same tone of patient patronization. Then, he smirked.

"That's Hagrid."

It was Sirius' turn to be confused.

"Huh?"

"Yes, Sirius, Hagrid. Or maybe that's just me."

"Definitely just you," Sirius said wearily. He took another breath, and seemed to loose himself in thought again.

Harry just stared at him as he muttered under his breath, obviously rehearsing what to say. Harry was blushing three shades darker than even Ginny would've managed.

Outside the door, there was a sudden outburst of giggles. Harry jumped, but Sirius continued frown contemplatively, not paying anything else any attention.

"Tonks! _Be quiet_!" a very familiar voice hissed. It was Hermione.

"Oh, _that's_ it!" Harry cried, hopping up from his seat and yanking the door open, to find two girls in hysterics, and one attempting to look disapproving and failing miserably.

Hermione and Tonks turned red as well, but Ginny grinned up at him impishly, entirely unabashed.

"Need something, Harry?" Tonks chirped in a bad impression of innocence.

Harry glared.

"What are you doing?" he demanded harshly.

"Harry, dear, you're interfering with Extendable Ear reception. We were just listening to a _painfully_ interesting conversation," Ginny said in a disturbingly-accurate impersonation of her mother, though her tone was just a little too sweet, and her giggles just a little too obvious.

Harry growled threateningly, and made a grab for the flesh-colored string in her hand, but she danced out of the way, wearing an exceptionally annoying smirk.

"How much did you hear?"

"Oh…not much, you know…I'm going to write Cho….I'm sure she'd be very interested -" Ginny broke off mid-sentence and dashed off up the stairs.

"GINNY WEASLEY! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU -"

"Harry, I'd advise you to stop right there," Sirius called after his godson as he raced down the corridor after the little redheaded sprite, waking Mrs. Black and causing Mrs. Weasley to add to the furious shouts.

When Harry didn't reply, Sirius appeared in doorway, glancing up and down the hallway.

"Harry? HARRY! WE NEVER FINISHED OUR TALK!"****

**A/N: Hehe! Poor Harry….LOL I've never been a fan of the Harry/Cho relationship, so I rather fancy Ginny's prank more than I fancy what Cho will think of it. :D Evil me. Twisting fate….LOL Review if Harry/Ginny rules and Sirius is the world's best godfather! **


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